YATRA

I have lost. Many times, I have lost. Rock bottom became a familiar territory one too many times, you see. I learned to befriend the dark, we became one. The awakening doesn’t happen once, but you think it does. A faux sense of relief. Laughable. Teasingly comical. Many layers must be destroyed to reach your core, your essence. I have known the dark as I know myself, and sometimes, I find myself willingly returning to it, a familiar place, because a part of me has been bonded to it. No, I will not break free from it. It is the only way light then holds significance. I have embraced the duality that imprints so deeply, but something has changed that I have only just recognized. Within the turmoil, having been tossed into the fires, into nothingness, into chaos, something else emerged. Yes it is still me, a conversation on the ship of Theseus, but me nonetheless ; indestructible. Of course there are dents, but this is pure titanium. Yes I have lost, but I have also gained purpose despite it all. Stronger, wiser, more polished. It is true that I have fallen apart many times, that I have even dared to remain down due to exhaustion; a testament of being alive. I get tired, you know. The armour gets really heavy sometimes, but I never forget to pick myself back up. The world is my battlefield and only in the face of the Divine and solitude have I ever truly been able to put the swords away, so naturally giving up has never been on my To-Do. You do not tame the wind or ask that Chandra not change phases. I have just completed a phase. It has awoken the Tiger and the phoenix stretches her wings. It is the emergence of destiny, and there is full mental fortification to follow through. Fools will call me lucky as they have been made blind to my several mountain climbs. They hold no significance.

— Tolú